When I began writing this blog in the summer of 2020, it was a mechanism for me to release the burdening thoughts and perspectives that were swirling around in my head. Writing is cathartic for me, and I needed to rid my mind of the angst that was overwhelming at the time. Originally, I shared my perspective with close friends and family, but the circle expanded because it seemed that much of what I was saying resonated with others. We were in a unique place in our lives where many of us shared similar fears, hopes and priorities.
When I wrote a blog that winter, when Joe Biden was officially announced the winner of the 2020 election, I learned two important lessons. First, and most importantly, my words offended some people who are the most important to me in my life. Clearly, I did not intend to do so. Second, I need to review my thoughts through a different lens; never assume my feelings are universal, so be sensitive to other perspectives. I am inherently a pleaser with a disdain for any ounce of confrontation, so I have approached my blogs since then with this in the back of mind. So, I genuinely mean it when I say this is NOT a political post. My hope is that it is actually the complete opposite.
With the 2024 election a week away, I am eagerly counting down the days. Living in Washington, DC and traveling recently to a battleground state to visit my daughter in college means that I am maxed out on nasty political ads and messages. Both sides are equally guilty of the fear mongering, doomsday messaging that validates their supporters and further alienates everyone else. As a college-educated woman and news junkie, I know both campaigns are eager for my vote, so I am completely inundated every single day. I know the pundits claim there are large factions of undecided voters, but I genuinely find that hard to imagine. And if so, are these ads educating you to lean in one direction over another? To me, it feels like ugly noise. But, my point is not to even discuss the two candidates in this election, it is to focus on the importance of listening to others and genuinely trying to find common ground to better our country and world for future generations. Spoiler alert: it is not actually hard to agree on what a better country and world look like, the disagreement is typically about how to get there. But that is ok. The beauty of a democracy is that we can disagree with those we love most—a spouse, child or close friend, and still enjoy the freedoms of living in this country after election day.
I actually learned this lesson the hard way and need to diverge for a minute to offer some perspective on my thinking. Following the 2016 election, I was in a political depression. Consumed with CNN and online news that had been filtered through a tailored algorithm, I was living in an eco chamber of messages. My disappointment and fears were continuously validated and constantly reinforced. I was paralyzed by these thoughts and the daily soundbytes consumed me. After some therapy, medication and soul searching, here is what I learned: I was a perfect target. But, I can’t blame the strategic campaign teams that knew exactly how and where to target me, I let it all happen, even if I didn’t realize it at the time. I certainly do now.
So, as we end yet another intense election cycle, I am desperately trying to avoid the vortex. Many of us have people in our lives that we rely on to offer advice on navigating the ups and downs of life–the big, the small and everything in between. You don’t always agree on everything, and when you don’t, you eagerly talk it through to enlighten each other, sharing a perspective that can help them make a thoughtful decision. So, naturally there’s an inner conflict if we find ourselves on opposite sides of this ballot with someone whose opinion we value and trust. Intellectually, it can be difficult to embrace that someone whose opinion you rely on in just about every aspect of your life can have such a different thought process on who to vote for in this election. But, it is also equally intuitive that different people prioritize different issues. So, why is there any conflict? There shouldn’t be! But, there is. I’ve thought a lot about this over the past few weeks, and I net out here: it’s all about our emotions. When we feel strongly about our opinions and we are being validated by the people we speak to, the news we watch, the social media posts we see and the chatter in our group texts, we want EVERYONE we trust and love to agree with us, see it our way and embrace our logic. Because, it’s not comfortable when they don’t. Especially for me, because as I have said, I hate conflict.
But, I’ve learned a few really important things while needing to live in this state of being on “different” sides from people that I treasure and count on to help me through life’s journey. First, disagreeing with someone doesn’t mean one person is right and one is wrong. Most of the issues in this election are complex, nuanced and decades (if not centuries) old. So, as much as we may try to “convince” each other under the guise of “educating” each other, we really just would be happier, and more content, if we agreed on everything. The irony that I have discovered numerous times is that when we peel back the layers, cut through the right side/left side talking points and genuinely listen to each other, we actually agree on quite a lot. While the devil is always in the details, we very much see eye to eye on what we want for our children and our Holy Land. Second, being totally practical, in many cases our votes cancel each other out in states where no one is moving the electoral college, so all of our debating and discussing is really not relevant in the outcome of this election. Third, change only happens through evolution and education. And you can’t achieve either when you only live within your own circle of validation. So, embrace the discomfort and engage with people who see things differently, especially if they are important to you. Stop trying to prove why you are right and they are wrong and LISTEN to each other. And finally, life is not black and white or red and blue. It’s actually very purple. At least for me. The left-wing extremists and right-wing extremists don’t represent me, my values or my priorities. So, why would I want their loud and overbearing noise to infiltrate any relationship I treasure? Shame on me if I let them. We’ve lost the middle ground, the commonality and reaching across the aisle. Here’s one thing I know for sure, nothing is accomplished when it’s one sided. Not in Washington, not in a marriage, not in a friendship.
AND SO IT GOES…as we crawl to Election Day, I hope some of these thoughts resonate with you. Regardless of who wins, the onus to create a better future is OUR responsibility. We need to champion the issues that we are passionate about through action. Awareness is critical, but it’s also divisive when it’s positioned as us versus them. Share truthful information, expose ourselves to varying points of view and let’s seek impactful avenues to make change. Donate time and/or resources to organizations that advocate for issues that matter to you. And, if they are not bound to a political candidate or party, even better. Most of the people I know may sit on the right or left side, but can find themselves in the middle on a given issue. So, maybe a more purple world should be the goal. Let extremists on both sides yell at each other while we actually accomplish something through common ground. And, if anyone knows the Real Time with Bill Maher producers, I think I could be a great guest…and I know a few people who can come with me to constructively represent the other side. After all, we model his approach daily. Help me bring purple back!
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